The Big Bang

Before the universe there was Ian. Ian being and all mighty being, controled the fabric of reality it's self. Having nothing to distract himself with, he masterbated furiously for hours on end. Finally after years of hard stroking he "finished" and let it into the nothingness around him. The overload of seamen was to much for Ian to handel. It eventually imploded on it's self. This resluted in the accidentel creation of the universe as we know it. Each singular seamen of Ians cooled down to forme planets. Ian went on to create life forms on these planets. He sculpted these lifeforms out of butter,now know has "humans".